A CRAPPY RESORT NIGHT

I love satellite radio. For the last 3 years I have listened to nothing but my ipod and Sirius XM. I will never go back to listening to 'terrestrial radio'. If you don't have it, get it! One of my favorite parts of the day is listening to at least the first hour of The Howard Stern Show. The other day he told a story he had heard involving a television reporter, and I was instantly transported to another time.... a time of 'Resort Night Fun'

This story is not about me. You might read this and think I just changed it to be about somebody else, but I didn't. This person and I spent a lot of time together at Cleves so I cannot believe I hadn't heard this story until a few months ago. I actually find it unbelievable that I wasn't there or at least close by, when it happened. After you read the story you will know why I am not sorry I wasn't.

Back in the early 1990s there was a 'Resort Night' to go to 6 nights a week and to be honest with you I was at almost every one of them. It certainly wasn't good for the bank account or my liver but it was really fun!! Two nights a week, Tuesdays and Saturdays, we used to pile onto the bus and head to Edenvale in Port Carling. Not everybody went to every bar night but everybody went to Edenvale!! It was the place to be. Upwards of 300-400 resort staff and cottagers from the area crammed into that place without fail.

Let's call the heroine of our story Jill, obviously that isn't her real name. Jill happened to be 'secretly' sleeping with one of the resort managers. The joke was on them, everybody knew they were sleeping together but it was a nice try. If you have ever worked at Cleves you know there are no secrets. Most of the time everybody knows who is shagging whom about 5 minutes after they get together.

On this particular Edenvale night, the 'undercover couple' headed by boat to Port Carling. The bus usually didn't arrive until well after 10 but they got there at 9. Jill 'primed' before they left and since nobody had arrived yet there wasn't much to do when she got there but drink - A LOT!

I would guess that by 11 the room started to spin and Jill realized she was totally wasted and staggered by 300+ people and headed to the bathroom. When she got in there she ran into one of the stalls to puke. Sadly when she started to puke.... she crapped her pants. The crapping of the pants is horrific on it's own, but the fact that she was wearing WHITE jeans that she BORROWED from a roommate is just hilarious.

I am sure she sobered up quickly after that happened. She tried to clean up. I haven't asked the details about how she did that and I never will. She skulked by the 300+ people, and headed back to the boat to sleep. A few hours later she opened her eyes to see her not so secret man making out with somebody else at the back of the boat - ahhhh Cleves.

Just imagine the phone call the next day. I am sure it went something like this..

'Laundry - Maria speaking'

'Hi Maria, it's Jill, I have a major favour to ask....'

DO YOU THINK????