SAFE & SECURE

Looking after security at Cleves is like being a glorified babysitter 90% of the time. Other than patrolling the property a couple times a night the security guard’s job has really morphed into being an expensive hall sitter for the most part! In the last 20 years the behaviour of the staff at night has changed a lot. Even though the goal is still to have fun and party hard, this generation has decided that partying goes hand in hand with being destructive. In the last several years I have had chairs thrown through windows in the staff house, doors kicked in and numerous locks broken. I find it so sad that they think this is ok. What happened to going to the club, walking around with a pitcher of Long Island Iced Teas with a straw in it (allegedly) and heading home to bed. I would love to be able to have a season where night security does not weigh heavily on my mind all season but that is never going to happen. When I come into work in the morning via my Dad’s office if I see a Night Report with a staple in the corner I know it is going to be a bad day!!

To work nighttime security one has to have a certain type of personality. They can be a really odd bunch. About 10 years ago when we were still using an actual security company to handle the property, they sent over 2 women one night. They would be in their mid-forties and I don’t think would be able to keep up with anybody trying to get away from them. One night Mom and Dad and I were heading back up from the club to go home and for some reason we decided to go onto the Main Hotel Veranda. The guards were sitting on the veranda drinking coffee. As many of you know my Dad is probably the nicest guy one will ever meet but he also has a WICKED sense of humour. As we approached them he leans over to me and says ‘this is going to be great’ (These women had no idea who he was) ‘Good evening ladies’ ‘Hi sir how are you?’ ‘We are great. Are you having a busy night?’ ‘No it’s pretty quiet and it’s a good thing because my feet are killing me and there is now way we can walk around this property’..... we walk away and Dad turns to me and says ‘I don’t know about you but I feel so safe and secure right now!’ Those women were never seen again!!

If you worked at Cleves any time in the mid to late 80s you obviously remember the Security Guards of the time Dirk and Robin. Dirk was from the Netherlands and was about 6 foot 5, Robin his sidekick was a local guy from Bracebridge. These 2 guys epitomized teamwork. Dirk was the ‘physically intimidating’ force and Robin was the sly, sneaky one. One night in 1986 when the cottagers came to Cleves in droves my entire family had gone to the Club one night to see a show and we were all standing on the small entrance porch outside the Snack Bar after it ended. Dirk and Robin were at the end of the dock when they got a call saying that there was a crisis in the Main parking lot and they were needed up there right away. Robin gracefully took off and started running up the dock, past our family and up the hill to investigate. Dirk was quick to follow and started running right behind. I would say that by the time he got to the Ski School his entire 6 foot 5 frame started to lose control and he looked more like a helicopter with arms and legs flailing. Just before he got to where we were standing he did a giant face plant, skidded about 10 feet with walkie talkie and flashlight sliding up the dock. He quickly regained his composure and continued up the hill after Robin. Dad turned to us and simply said ‘Oopsie Daisy’!! So funny...

Back then we were pretty strict about guys going into the girls staff house and vice versa after 11:00 pm and the security guards spent a lot of time kicking people out of each side every night. One night we were all partying in room 24 on the guy’s side (it’s is always amazing to me how that room always ends up being the party room) and it was well after midnight. Somebody came in and yelled ‘HERE COMES DIRK’ I of course being a Cornell was having a fit about being written up on the Night Report so I dove head first into the closet. Dirk opened the door and said in his intimidating Arnold Schwarzenegger voice, ‘The party’s over and Sandy I know you are in there!!!’ BUSTED!!

BLIND MAN DRIVING

Having been at Cleves for 41 years you can bet I have met some interesting people and I hope to share lots of stories with you about some of the greatest characters of the bunch. This of course includes visitors, staff and guests (I can hear the 'At Kellerman's' song playing in my head right now! Dirty Dancing people!!!) This is very mean of me but remember I warned you, I can hear a song and instantly be transported to an event...a few days ago the song 'I Wish' by Stevie Wonder came onto my ipod.......

One of the things Clevelands House has always done really, really well is provide great service. If a Guest comes into the office and complains, the way one should complain, we will all do everything we can for them to alleviate any problems and make their stay as enjoyable as possible. During the summer of 2008 we had such a complaint. When the booking for this particular couple was taken we had been told that the husband was legally blind. A few weeks later the incredibly nice couple checked in and headed down to their suite. When they got into their room the wife called up to the office to say that they wanted to change the layout of the suite's furniture to make it easier for her husband to get around. Obviously this was something we were eager to help her with so our head problem solver (Maria) headed down to the suite to help. After many attempts the Guests felt better with the new layout and they were confident the husband would manage just fine now.

The next day the wife called up to the office to say that they were struggling with the new layout and that even though we did our best to help them, they would have to check out and go home to a more familiar environment. We adjusted their bill and they drove up to the office immediately to settle their account with us.

The wife came into the office and I had the pleasure of checking her out. She assured me we had done everything to help them manage in their suite and that Maria had been amazing (what else is new). It was just difficult to be away from their home environment where her husband knew where everything was. She paid their bill and headed out to the parking lot. I had a direct view of their car from where I was standing in the office.

In case some of you have forgotten, Clevelands House is one of, if not the largest family resort in Canada. At any one time we can have 150-200 children in our kids' program running around the resort. Imagine my horror when I hear 'Everywhere we go... everywhere we go... people always ask us... people always ask us... who we are.... who we are... so we tell them...' (you are all singing it now aren't you!!) and I SEE HIM GET IN THE DRIVER'S SEAT, PULL THE CAR OUT OF THEIR PARKING SPOT AND DRIVE BACK TO THEIR SUITE BY THE BEACH!!! A legally blind man who had to check out of his room because we couldn't rearrange his room such that he wasn't constantly bumping into things was driving a car back to his room past about 70 kids!!!!!!!!!!!

We called Maria to tell her what had just happened and like the CSI Minett agent she is she hopped onto her golf cart and headed down to their room to ask why he was driving and the wife said, 'sometimes I let him drive short distances'. I don't think 'I See...' was what instantly came to Maria's mind as a response. (Sorry about the pun I couldn't resist!!)

THE MORE THINGS LIKE CHANGE THE MORE THEY LIKE STAY THE SAME

I am sure most people can relate to this, but I find it amazing that I can hear a song I haven’t heard in a long time and I am instantly transported back to another time and can remember the year it came out and often a specific event that is tied to it. The other day I heard the song ‘I Melt With You’ by Modern English and instantly I was taken back to 1983 and the movie ‘Valley Girl’. It is an 80’s classic!! Nicolas Cage is Randy the punk rock badass and he falls for Julie the preppy girl from the Valley. It was the beginning of a new way of dressing and speaking and it was ‘fer sure, totally, awesome’!! That way of speaking has always been associated with that movie and the 80’s and it did fade away, but like everything else, it came back. I always say if you kept some stuff from the 80s don’t get rid of it now because it will come back in style! Obviously the same thing can be said for ‘Valley Speak’!! Flash forward 25 years.

By the time I am finished hiring I have had it with reading resumes. I receive about 1000 every winter and am pretty good about going over each one of them, for a while. I will admit that by the middle of March the resumes I get are printed and filed without me even glancing at them. With the exception of a couple of jobs that are open here and there I am finished my hiring long before the end of the month. As a result in order for me to not go slowly crazy I have to change my outgoing voicemail to say something similar to this.....

“You have reached Sandy Cornell. I am sorry I am not available to take your call right now. If you are calling regarding employment please note that I have finished all of my hiring for the upcoming season. If you are calling for any other reason, please feel free to leave me a message and I will get back to you as soon as possible. Thanks for calling and have a great day” BEEEEEEEPPP In order for you to fully grasp this, it is important that you inhale deeply and try to read this quickly only stopping to breathe when you are turning blue. This is a message that was left for me last week.

“Hi Sandy, this is like Brittany! I know your voicemail said that like you are finished hiring but I was wondering if like you were still hiring (the voice goes up here)? My like 2 best friends Whitney and like Buffy like worked in Muskoka last summer and they said it was like WICKED!! I like, want to spend like the summer up there partying because I think it would be like TOTALLY AWESOME to work like away from the city (you can almost see the ‘hang loose’ sign she just made as she said this). So I am like at school right now in like my math class but you can like call me on my Blackberry because like my teacher totally won’t mind if I like leave class and like take your call. I like want to work with like kids because I like want to spend the summer like in the sun working like on my tan before I like go to university and by the way like I won’t be able to stay right until like Labour Day because I will like need at least like a week off before I like go to school, to say like goodbye to my BFFs. OK I totally can’t wait to like talk to you so like call me back super sooooon!!”

HOW

ABOUT

LIKE

NO .....

DELETE

A CRAPPY RESORT NIGHT

I love satellite radio. For the last 3 years I have listened to nothing but my ipod and Sirius XM. I will never go back to listening to 'terrestrial radio'. If you don't have it, get it! One of my favorite parts of the day is listening to at least the first hour of The Howard Stern Show. The other day he told a story he had heard involving a television reporter, and I was instantly transported to another time.... a time of 'Resort Night Fun'

This story is not about me. You might read this and think I just changed it to be about somebody else, but I didn't. This person and I spent a lot of time together at Cleves so I cannot believe I hadn't heard this story until a few months ago. I actually find it unbelievable that I wasn't there or at least close by, when it happened. After you read the story you will know why I am not sorry I wasn't.

Back in the early 1990s there was a 'Resort Night' to go to 6 nights a week and to be honest with you I was at almost every one of them. It certainly wasn't good for the bank account or my liver but it was really fun!! Two nights a week, Tuesdays and Saturdays, we used to pile onto the bus and head to Edenvale in Port Carling. Not everybody went to every bar night but everybody went to Edenvale!! It was the place to be. Upwards of 300-400 resort staff and cottagers from the area crammed into that place without fail.

Let's call the heroine of our story Jill, obviously that isn't her real name. Jill happened to be 'secretly' sleeping with one of the resort managers. The joke was on them, everybody knew they were sleeping together but it was a nice try. If you have ever worked at Cleves you know there are no secrets. Most of the time everybody knows who is shagging whom about 5 minutes after they get together.

On this particular Edenvale night, the 'undercover couple' headed by boat to Port Carling. The bus usually didn't arrive until well after 10 but they got there at 9. Jill 'primed' before they left and since nobody had arrived yet there wasn't much to do when she got there but drink - A LOT!

I would guess that by 11 the room started to spin and Jill realized she was totally wasted and staggered by 300+ people and headed to the bathroom. When she got in there she ran into one of the stalls to puke. Sadly when she started to puke.... she crapped her pants. The crapping of the pants is horrific on it's own, but the fact that she was wearing WHITE jeans that she BORROWED from a roommate is just hilarious.

I am sure she sobered up quickly after that happened. She tried to clean up. I haven't asked the details about how she did that and I never will. She skulked by the 300+ people, and headed back to the boat to sleep. A few hours later she opened her eyes to see her not so secret man making out with somebody else at the back of the boat - ahhhh Cleves.

Just imagine the phone call the next day. I am sure it went something like this..

'Laundry - Maria speaking'

'Hi Maria, it's Jill, I have a major favour to ask....'

DO YOU THINK????

I'VE ALWAYS WANTED TO WORK IN THE 'HOSTILITY INDUSTRY'!

Clevelands House is a family resort in Muskoka, Ontario, Canada that was established in 1869. I won't bore you with every little historical detail about the place but might tell amusing stories about the days gone by as I see fit. My Dad Bob Cornell went there with his parents when he was a kid and when they arrived he turned to them and said 'I am going to own this place one day' and just over 20 years later that is exactly what happened. He met his future bride there and they had 3 kids, I am the youngest. My older sister and brother also met their spouses there, me? I am still looking but am officially too old to find my future hubby amongst the staff! In some parts of the world I am sure an age difference this big is normal but it is something I frown upon, I mean there are cougars but this age gap is just gross. I am 41 and the staff are mostly 17 - 24 you do the math!

When I was a kid I used to say 'I can't wait until I am the age of the staff' now I say 'I wish I was the age of the staff' as I turn my light out just as the bus is leaving to take everybody out to 'Resort Night' at the local bar. I used to get on that bus with 12 cans of beer and hand them out on my way to my seat - my how times have changed.

Starting this blogging adventure is my attempt to recount some of my favorite and sometimes not so favorite stories and memories of this magical place I have called home for my entire life. I am now the Director of HR there and hire all of the seasonal staff which means every winter I get to read about 1000 resumes where kids tell me how great they are - more on that to follow! I could write a book about the current generation and hey I might, mostly they are great kids but some of them are a piece of work.

The title of this entry came about from a resume I received about 10 years ago. I opened it up and started reading the cover letter which began with 'I have always wanted to work in the hostility industry...' needless to say I couldn't wait to show it to everybody in my office and had it pinned up on my wall for months. Believe me there are times when that is exactly what this industry is, the 'hostility industry' and not the 'hospitality industry'. I am sure the girl who sent me that resume had no idea how right that statement could be at times.

When people who haven't worked at 'Cleves' ask me what it was / is like to work there I cannot help but smile and give the cheesiest answer possible 'It is like Dirty Dancing' because that is exactly what it is like (we haven't had a dance instructor as hot as Patrick Swayze in my day but I keep hoping). It is a feeling that very few people can describe. It becomes part of your soul, shapes friendships we will all have for our entire lives and evokes great memories as we age. Some of my favorite times are when I get together with a group of people from 'back in the day' and we tell the same stories over and over and I am eventually crying I am laughing so hard. Good times I say and don't forget 'Nobody puts Baby in a corner' is the best movie line EVER!!!